Why is Ted so stupid?

This is a subject of much intellectual debate. However, a new piece of evidence has come to light which may lean the scales very close to the “he just is” party.

So, I’m all happy because my research has been going pretty well. Many new tangents have opened up. Lots of interesting implications. And by interesting of course Ted means money making. Heh. Well. Of academic interest as well as money making.

Anyways, I’m now embroiled in a series of multi-day experiments. Setup one day, and collect data for like a week. I go into lab today, and do the setup all nice and scientisty like. At 1:05 PM I have a few controls, a few repeated experiments and other such things to show for my effort. At 1:10, I manage to knock over one of the controls. 40 ml of highly toxic water get on the ground. YAAH for Ted. After going through ohhh about 3 pairs of gloves, it’s all nice and dry. Just.. don’t.. lick.. the floor. I uh cannot overemphasize that.

No problem. 1 more control left.

2:05 PM: First reading. Ted, genius extraordinare manages to contaminate control number 2 with stuff that’s not supposed to be there. Stuff that makes readings go funny. And at that point all hell breaks loose.

(Demons their head through the beaker as I reach for my plasma gun and ….. grin nm.)
(I’m just a bit erm stressed at that point)

But I bravely decide to continue the experiment. The controls.. eh they roughly stay the same.

4:05 PM: Crunch time. Data comes in. First experiment test.. eh cadmium levels went down at a pretty good rate… Second test beaker… eh.. slower…. Control… WTF?

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m developing a method to remove cadmium from water. By excellent lab skills and highly advanced intelligence the control manages to suck up more cadmium than my experiments.

Through judicious application of my skills, I have SLOWED down the reaction. Quick hire me. I can make your toxic waste clean up last 10 times as long!!

thud. thud. thud.

Tomorrow’s results had better show something else. Or else I’m going to switch to a fuzzy.


3 Replies to “Why is Ted so stupid?”

  1. Oh Rlyconfused! Lol… maybe the contaminants were what did it… maybe you should look at those… unless you already through out the controls, which you probably did… hmmm. Well, the situation must be rectified before I kill any rats in the name of science…

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