Today, I joined tan the man and brown eyed girl for a quickie at friendly blood donation station. Donation station. donation station. gooble gawble. I digress. Anyways, so me and beg get there at like 4:45 and get started through the mill. I make it through first, and down to the Blood Giving Area (actually i make it onto the donation chair) before begirl and tan the man get there. I get a nice cheery phelmobologist (HAHAHA THAt ‘s such a bad spelling of it) who gets me set up, all sterilized and stuff. Now, having donated a few times before I’m pretty familiar with the routine.
Find the vein. Poke the vein. Squeeze the vein. Tie the vein into funny pretzel shapes. Then mark the vein doodle with a crisp sterile surgical marker. Grab needle. Insert needle. Miss. Insert needle again. Miss. Insert needle, and wiggle. Writhe in pain. Miss. etc etc until I am rewarded (and what an odd reward it is…) with the sight of my own blood shooting into the plastic tube to be carried off.
This time…. no. Find the vein…… grab needle. (my eyes grow big)… forget to go “Oh just kidding, I almost forgot to mark the vein”… stab arm… miss (the vein. trust me. she got the arm) .. stab arm…. miss…. call for help… stab arm… Oooo.. my blood goes out faaaaaaast….
Anyways, all the while this is happening, tan the man and begirl have somehow gotten themselves stuck with needles with blood pouring into bags. So we basically start off at just about the same time.
Me… I’m sitting in the chair feeling the cold creep up my feet and fingers… watching my lifeblood drain out. A furtive glance to the right.. Hmm.. tan the man’s blood bag looks pretty full… gotta pump out blood faster…. beat harder heart…
More furtive glances to the right.. where’d tantheman and begirl go? Uh oh… they finished….. NOOOOOOO…. I rip out the blood bag, cut off my arm, and start pouring blood into the bag. Sigh… Curse my thick juicy blood.. so slow flowing… at least I don’t have weak thin blood like tan the man and begirl. =)
I finish, and take the walk of shame… bobbing a bit to the left weaving a bit to the right… and join tan the man and begirl at the food table.
Munchy. Munchy munchy. Ow. No bend arm. Munchy. OWWW BAD ARM. Munchy munchy munchy.. Mmm feet work properly again. munchy munchy slurp munchy. go go? Munchy. go.
We take a slightly spinning walk to the car, where I am ashamed to mention I give the keys to davistiger to drive home… And so ends the quickest.. and worst donation of my life.