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“Here is something pretty unbelievable. The only living World War I veteran, a man named Frank Buckles, just turned 109 years old. What’s even more amazing, he just finished his fourth tour in Afghanistan.” — Jay Leno on Frank Buckles

“Sen. Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He’s retiring. He says he may go work for the banking industry. Have you seen his voting record? I think he already works for the banking industry.” — Jay Leno on Sen. Chris Dodd retiring

“According to MSNBC, Tiger Woods paid some of his mistresses between $5,000 and $20,000 a month to keep quiet about his affairs. That’s the second bailout plan this year that didn’t work.” — Jay Leno on Tiger Woods and the Bailout

“I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too.” — Conan O’Brien on life and Jay Leno

“At the Copenhagen climate summit, they’re talking about saving the environment. The delegates had 1,200 limos and 140 private jets. Or as they call that in Malibu, Earth Day.” — Jay Leno on the Copenhagen Climate Summit