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“The Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed. This is good news for Obama; the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months. Even then, he had to promise her a job as secretary of state.” — Jay Leno on Barack Obama and Rick Wagoner

“Israel announced Monday that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will visit the West Bank and Israel next week. She’s going to lecture the Israelis and the Palestinians on how to live side by side, even though they hate each other. No one’s better qualified.” — Argus Hamilton on Hillary Clinton’s recent visit to the West Bank

“Hotels in Washington, D.C., are overbooked. A lot of VIPs have no place to stay. Things are so bad, Bill and Hillary Clinton have to share a room.” — Craig Ferguson on Bill and Hillary Clinton at Barack Obama’s inauguration

“They say that during Hillary Clinton’s appointment confirmation hearings, Republicans could force her to answer a lot of embarrassing questions about Bill Clinton’s financial affairs, to which HIllary said, ‘What kind of affairs? Financial? No problem! Bring it on!’” — Jay Leno on Hillary Clinton as U.S. Secretary of State

“Hillary Clinton on Monday forgave herself $13 million she lent to her own campaign after forgiving her husband many legendary indiscretions. She is so frustrated. She forgives and forgives and the media still thinks Obama is Jesus.” — Argus Hamilton on Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign debt