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“The Minnesota Vikings said that Brett Favre merchandise and Brett Favre jerseys were selling all over the upper Midwest. It marked the end of one era and the beginning of a new one. Until now everybody’s favorite purple dinosaur was Barney.” — Argus Hamilton on Brett Favre joining the Minnesota Vikings

“Michael Jackson’s family motorcade to Forest Lawn’s chapel Tuesday shut down Ventura Free during morning rush hour. The motorcade consisted of five Rolls-Royces trailed by four Bentleys and six Jaguars. Even Motown won’t buy an American car.” — Argus Hamilton on Michael Jackson’s funeral

“President Obama was ripped by animal rights activists for killing a fly during a TV interview. It was grim. He slapped it barehanded and it fell dead to the Oval Office carpet, where it lies next to the president of GM and three Inspector Generals.” — Argus Hamilton on Barack Obama killing a fly

“The Shuttle Atlantis blasted off Monday at Cape Canaveral. The Astronauts were told to disregard the engine warning light that came on after launch. It’s not clear at this point if the government took over GM or if GM took over the government.” — Argus Hamilton on the Space Shuttle Atlantis

“Nancy Pelosi was pilloried in the media over her changing stories about when she first heard about waterboarding. She was a blur. She shifted so often and changed directions so fast that John Madden is going to build a video game around her.” — Argus Hamilton on Nancy Pelosi + waterboarding