“The stock market crashed again [Wednesday]. This has been one of the worst financial weeks in American history. I was lucky — two weeks ago, I took all my money out of Lehman Brothers and invested it into the Jonas Brothers.” — Jimmy Kimmel on the economy

Popularity: 4% [?]

“The stock market crashed yesterday. Once again, I don’t think President Bush gets it. When asked if customers should be concerned about all these bank closings, he said it doesn’t matter — if the bank is closed, just use the ATM.” — Jay Leno on George W. Bush and the economy

Popularity: 5% [?]

“Government figures released by President Bush show we are not in a recession. Unless, of course, you have to buy gas or food or some other luxury item.” — Jay Leno on George W. Bush’s figures showing no recession

Popularity: 5% [?]

“Barack Obama said today that the $700 billion bailout should not be a blank check. He said that $700 billion is a lot of money. In fact, it would take him at least 10 Hollywood fundraisers to come up with that kind of money.” — Jay Leno on Barack Obama and the $700 billion bailout

Popularity: 5% [?]

“Someone was able to hack into Sarah Palin’s e-mail account, because she hadn’t taken the proper security measures. So it’s official — no one in the Palin family uses protection.” — Conan O’Brien on Sarah Palin’s hacked e-mail account

Popularity: 5% [?]