Dorks And Losers » Quotes

Jimmy Kimmel On Wyclef Jean Running For President Of Haiti

Tan The Man — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 07:00:28 +0000

“Wyclef Jean has announced that he will run for president of Haiti. He said he hopes the Haitian people will look past the fact that he has very little political experience and forgive him for that horrible remake of ‘We Are The World.’” — Jimmy Kimmel on Wyclef Jean running for president of Haiti

Craig Ferguson On Oregon Health Officials Shutting Down A 7-Year-Old Girl’s Lemonade Stand

Tan The Man — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 06:30:08 +0000

“Health officials in Oregon have shut down a 7-year-old girl’s lemonade stand because she didn’t have a license. Officials haven’t issued a statement yet. They’re busy popping ballon animals and stomping on sand castles.” — Craig Ferguson on Oregon Health Officials shutting down a 7-year-old girl’s lemonade stand

Jimmy Fallon On Houston’s Newest Set Of Quintuplets

Tan The Man — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 06:31:40 +0000

“A woman in Houston just gave birth to a healthy set of quintuplets. The mom says she’s excited about her babies, and can’t wait to watch them grow up on whatever channel gives them a reality show.” — Jimmy Fallon on Houston’s newest set of quintuplets

Jimmy Fallon On Potential Mineral Mining In Afghanistan

Tan The Man — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 05:33:42 +0000

“In Afghanistan, the U.S. has discovered large deposits of iron, copper, cobalt, gold, and lithium. Or as most people would call it, ‘Not Osama bin Laden.’” — Jimmy Fallon on potential mineral mining in Afghanistan

Jimmy Fallon On The New Skinny Dipping Record

Tan The Man — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:23:50 +0000

“The American Association Of Nude Recreation tried to break the record for the most people skinny dipping at once. In other news, the oil spill is now the second-most disgusting ocean disaster of all time.” — Jimmy Fallon on the new skinny dipping record

Craig Ferguson On The Potential Presidential Power To Shut Off The Internet

Tan The Man — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 07:18:07 +0000

“There’s a new bill in the Senate that would give the president the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it, not because he invented the Internet, but because he just signed up for Match.com.” — Craig Ferguson on the potential presidential power to shut off the Internet

Jay Leno On Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding

Tan The Man — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 06:21:41 +0000

“The countdown is now under way for what a lot of people are calling, the wedding of the year — on July 31 Chelsea Clinton is getting married. Bill and Hillary are thrilled; they say they don’t care who the groom is as long as it’s not Levi Johnston.” — Jay Leno on Chelsea Clinton’s wedding

Jay Leno On The United Nations Appointing Iran To The Women’s Rights Panel

Tan The Man — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 06:49:55 +0000

“The United Nations has appointed Iran to sit on the Women’s Rights panel. Also on the panel: Ben Roethlisberger, Chris Brown, Phil Spector, Robert Blake, and chairman, O.J. Simpson.” — Jay Leno on the United Nations appointing Iran to the Women’s Rights Panel

Jerry Brown On Meg Whitman’s “Meg 2010: Building A New California”

Tan The Man — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 21:59:25 +0000

“She doesn’t have a plan, she has a pamphlet, and most of it is pictures.” — Jerry Brown on Meg Whitman’s “Meg 2010: Building A New California”

Jimmy Fallon On Twitter Going Down

Tan The Man — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 21:44:23 +0000

“Twitter went down for about an hour yesterday. So, for about an hour, a lot of people with nothing to do had absolutely nothing to do.” — Jimmy Fallon on Twitter going down