“President Bush said that he often turned to prayer during his presidency. Hey, I think we all turned to prayer during his presidency.” — Jay Leno on George W. Bush and prayer

“The Winter Olympics are under way in Canada. They showed the biathlon, a combination of cross-country skiing and shooting rifles, which is known to Sarah Palin as commuting.” — Jimmy Kimmel on the biathlon at the Winter Olympics

“The head of Toyota had to appear before Congress to be yelled at. It was actually refreshing to see a car company CEO appear before Congress and not ask for $10 billion.” — Jimmy Kimmel on Toyota before Congress

“You have a UAV. You should take advantage of that shit.” — Random quote on Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

“The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.” — Craig Ferguson on the three drunkest cities in America