Dorks And Losers

This is a sub­ject of much intel­lec­tual debate. How­ever, a new piece of evi­dence has come to light which may lean the scales very close to the “he just is” party.

So, I’m all happy because my research has been going pretty well. Many new tan­gents have opened up. Lots of inter­est­ing impli­ca­tions. And by inter­est­ing of course Ted means money mak­ing. Heh. Well. Of aca­d­e­mic inter­est as well as money making.

Any­ways, I’m now embroiled in a series of multi-day exper­i­ments. Setup one day, and col­lect data for like a week. I go into lab today, and do the setup all nice and sci­en­tisty like. At 1:05 PM I have a few con­trols, a few repeated exper­i­ments and other such things to show for my effort. At 1:10, I man­age to knock over one of the con­trols. 40 ml of highly toxic water get on the ground. YAAH for Ted. After going through ohhh about 3 pairs of gloves, it’s all nice and dry. Just.. don’t.. lick.. the floor. I uh can­not overem­pha­size that.

No prob­lem. 1 more con­trol left.

2:05 PM: First read­ing. Ted, genius extra­or­dinare man­ages to con­t­a­m­i­nate con­trol num­ber 2 with stuff that’s not sup­posed to be there. Stuff that makes read­ings go funny. And at that point all hell breaks loose.

(Demons their head through the beaker as I reach for my plasma gun and .…. grin nm.)
(I’m just a bit erm stressed at that point)

But I bravely decide to con­tinue the exper­i­ment. The con­trols.. eh they roughly stay the same.

4:05 PM: Crunch time. Data comes in. First exper­i­ment test.. eh cad­mium lev­els went down at a pretty good rate… Sec­ond test beaker… eh.. slower.… Con­trol… WTF?

Ladies and gen­tle­men, I’m devel­op­ing a method to remove cad­mium from water. By excel­lent lab skills and highly advanced intel­li­gence the con­trol man­ages to suck up more cad­mium than my experiments.

Through judi­cious appli­ca­tion of my skills, I have SLOWED down the reac­tion. Quick hire me. I can make your toxic waste clean up last 10 times as long!!

thud. thud. thud.

Tomorrow’s results had bet­ter show some­thing else. Or else I’m going to switch to a fuzzy.

SII­I­I­I­I­I­I­I­I­IGGGGGGGGH­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­H­Hhh.

Pop­u­lar­ity: 1% [?]